ugh ugh ugh

God where have I been? Answer, cooked food hell. Been eating LOADS of cooked :( sigh

What do I have to do? I can't understand this really. Read 12 steps to raw, read green smoothie book, have loads of yummy raw food and STILL I eat cooked. Is it cos I'm addicted or do I just really want to keep it in my life?

Last night went out with Lucy for food, had spring rolls, hummus (second portion that day) and sweet potato fries then had a bit of rod's falafel burger and chips later. Today had hummus and bread for dinner then two bowls of cereal with oat milk. Already thinking about going to grassroots and roots and fruits tomorrow to get more goodies. Vegan food really is lovely that's the problem!!

I do want to be raw. I want all the things that raw gives. I want the cooked too, it tastes so good. Maybe I just need to be more organised. Like plot a food plan for the week ahead? Doesn't leave much scope though. I need things to keep me busy in the evenings. How do I break this addiction? I keep telling myself that by having the green smoothies and salads that I'm still eating well, and it's true, but I'm doing more damage by then troughing my face with cooked. My skin has gone bad again from all this upset, high fruit, high fat and cakes and ice cream and alcohol. My poor body. Why do I insist on stuffing it full? I'm in two minds between fruit and fat. Fat keeps me satiated but fruit is healthier. I can't do both. Really not sure.

Argh!!!!!!!!

grrr

had cooked last night after all. went to tchai and had a lovely pot of tea or two with rod then IIIIII suggested leftbank for rod to have some food. Ended up having salad (with roasted sunflower seeds and cooked beans) dal and humus with flatbread (too salty humus).

Woke up feeling poo today - bad breath, couldn't wake up properly.

Sigh.

More raw today and definitely no hummus!

hmmmm cooked monster

well last night after my delish salad (which i made a fab dressing for out of cucumber, thyme, lemon, garlic and oil) i had another bit of bread then bloody oats with rice milk and sultanas! not sure why i want to eat all the time.

This morning I did more yoga and rebounding in the garden. had to come in for the yoga bit as i was getting bitten. had two melons juiced on my way to fife then came back and had a yummy green smoothie with a bag of salad, strawberries, blueberries and banana blended with cuc juice and celery juice and pineapple and spinach juice. Mega mega

Anyway, I'm going to tchai-ovna with rod and i'm starting to crave the curry there. Going to have to make sure I eat loads before i go and don't succumb to the temptation. Not sure where this craving is coming from, that's been what? 10 days now with only 5 cooked olives and two glasses of rice milk?? bizarre. Oh well, just over 2 and a half months to go till it gets easy peasy (according to boutenko).

Ordered green for life should come tomorrow, would like some more green smoothies on the go. They are yummy!

eat eat eat eat

not sure what's up with me today - just keep wanting to eat! Maybe it's all the lovely food I bought... Had a nice grapefruit for breakfast after doing some yoga and rebounding in the garden. Then I had a pudding of banana, pear, spirulina and dates. A bit later I made a blueberry pudding using the oats i'd soaked last night - bit tart, needed some agave in it or dates... THEN i've just had one of my bits of bread i made last night. It was ok, lacked a bit of salt I think. Anyway, having a nice salad for tea when I get back from my walk. Heading out soon. Lovely day...

ooops

few days missing there oops! Friday was great, had a beautiful big sprout and avo pesto salad before heading out to tchai ovna. Had about 5 cooked olives when i was there, didn't want any more which was good.

Saturday was glorious sunshine. Had some raw oats with berries and hemp milk for breakfast. Went and met Rod in town and had about 30 raw olives! Faaaaar too much fat!! Came home and had guac and pesto salad for tea. On Sunday I made chia pudding with berries and gojis and banana and mango for breakkie - it was nice. Had to soak the chia in banana and hemp milk - bit faffy but nice wee change. Again had guaca and pesto salad - can't get enough of it just now. Then had oat cereal for snack with cooked rice milk (;( couldn't be aresd making raw milk) - felt very full after that.

Today I've had banana and medjool date smoothie, melon smoothie and 5 medjool dates! Lots of sugar but still raw. Enjoying it very much. That's over a week now high raw with only a couple of minor discretions!

getting better all the time

Wooo it's been a couple of days since I blogged. Was down in Teesside with work. I left on Tuesday having had a scrummy pudding for breakfast of bananas, blueberries, superfoods, bee pollen and the last of my gojis (ordered more today). Then I made some lovely pad thai with kelp noodles to take with me.

I read the last pages of Alexander Pope and Ovid on the train down and enjoyed my pad thai. Think it was stinking the train out a bit but hey, it tasted lovely. Going to make more for tea tonight!

Got to Teesside and had thought about going to vegan restaurant but had already taken bread, avo, sprouts and pesto to have for tea plus my chocolates and fudge. The bread with avo and pesto was really nice with sprouts sprinkled on top. The chocs and fudge made me feel a bit sick. Think I prefer whole foods.

Yesterday had banana, pineapple (tinned yuk) and orange and the hotel for breakfast. More fudge (made me feel sick again - too much coconut butter) and then two pears which were a bit hard :(

Got home about 8 last night and had more bread with laughamole, pesto and salad. Really nice. Down to my last bit of raw bread that rod brought back from nyc. I'll have to go over and jolly well buy some more.

I'm feeling quite good. Feel like the cooked is lifting every time I eat more raw or get another day under my belt. Still overdosing on the yogi chai but I enjoy it.

Being interviewed today by Scotland on Sunday about raw food. Not sure what to expect. They are coming out to take my picture too so I ought to make sure I look nice. I really want to be a positive example and obviously come across not out my box :)

We shall see....

ups and downs

had a jolly nice day today. read pygmalion in the morning after a nice pudding of bananas, raspberries, blueberries, bee pollen and some superfoods and then went to meet my dad at tchai ovna. he's doing a 7 day juice feast in June! Can't believe it! So happy for him.

Had a couple of teas then came home and had salad with pesto and bee pollen - can't seem to get enough of it!

Going to chill tonight. Rod was meant to be over but he has to go to work tomorrow. To be honest for the peace so I can go read a book and have an early night. Also it's more tempting when he's here for me to eat cooked and I was going to give him hummus and falafels. Tomorrow I go down to Teesside. Going to take some books for the train and relax.

I was thinking about going to the Waiting Room for a vegan meal but if I'm going to do this then I know cooked will throw me back again i need to be STRONG! That's 2 days now 100% bar two or three cooked olives and all that tea. Not bad though. Not sure whether to go into grassroots to get some raw olives (I think they have some) or just take fruit with me. Hmm. I really ought to get some recipes on the go so as not to overkill the salad/pesto combo. Maybe I could make some curry and take that with me. Nah can't be arsed.

Need to get my books back from Martin for some recipe ideas...

As for the title, I am experiencing ups and downs. Could be an initial detox. First few days are normally the hardest...

I'm positive though.