getting better all the time

Wooo it's been a couple of days since I blogged. Was down in Teesside with work. I left on Tuesday having had a scrummy pudding for breakfast of bananas, blueberries, superfoods, bee pollen and the last of my gojis (ordered more today). Then I made some lovely pad thai with kelp noodles to take with me.

I read the last pages of Alexander Pope and Ovid on the train down and enjoyed my pad thai. Think it was stinking the train out a bit but hey, it tasted lovely. Going to make more for tea tonight!

Got to Teesside and had thought about going to vegan restaurant but had already taken bread, avo, sprouts and pesto to have for tea plus my chocolates and fudge. The bread with avo and pesto was really nice with sprouts sprinkled on top. The chocs and fudge made me feel a bit sick. Think I prefer whole foods.

Yesterday had banana, pineapple (tinned yuk) and orange and the hotel for breakfast. More fudge (made me feel sick again - too much coconut butter) and then two pears which were a bit hard :(

Got home about 8 last night and had more bread with laughamole, pesto and salad. Really nice. Down to my last bit of raw bread that rod brought back from nyc. I'll have to go over and jolly well buy some more.

I'm feeling quite good. Feel like the cooked is lifting every time I eat more raw or get another day under my belt. Still overdosing on the yogi chai but I enjoy it.

Being interviewed today by Scotland on Sunday about raw food. Not sure what to expect. They are coming out to take my picture too so I ought to make sure I look nice. I really want to be a positive example and obviously come across not out my box :)

We shall see....

ups and downs

had a jolly nice day today. read pygmalion in the morning after a nice pudding of bananas, raspberries, blueberries, bee pollen and some superfoods and then went to meet my dad at tchai ovna. he's doing a 7 day juice feast in June! Can't believe it! So happy for him.

Had a couple of teas then came home and had salad with pesto and bee pollen - can't seem to get enough of it!

Going to chill tonight. Rod was meant to be over but he has to go to work tomorrow. To be honest for the peace so I can go read a book and have an early night. Also it's more tempting when he's here for me to eat cooked and I was going to give him hummus and falafels. Tomorrow I go down to Teesside. Going to take some books for the train and relax.

I was thinking about going to the Waiting Room for a vegan meal but if I'm going to do this then I know cooked will throw me back again i need to be STRONG! That's 2 days now 100% bar two or three cooked olives and all that tea. Not bad though. Not sure whether to go into grassroots to get some raw olives (I think they have some) or just take fruit with me. Hmm. I really ought to get some recipes on the go so as not to overkill the salad/pesto combo. Maybe I could make some curry and take that with me. Nah can't be arsed.

Need to get my books back from Martin for some recipe ideas...

As for the title, I am experiencing ups and downs. Could be an initial detox. First few days are normally the hardest...

I'm positive though.

woop woop

yay feeling good. Had a lovely walk round the reservoir this morning supping on my green juice made from 2 pears, an apple, head of celery, half bag of spinach and handful of parsley...oh and half a cucumber. Yum!

Went in to town and managed to convince Gary to go to Tchai-ovna instead of mono so me and Gary and Bob sat and supped yogi chai and apple and mint tea for a couple of hours. Was really lovely, we sat in the garden. Wasn't sunny but wasn't freezing either.

Came home and made a delicious big salad with sango and broccoli/alfalfa sprouts, mixed leaves, cucumber, celery, tomato and avocado sprinkled with kelp and nutritional yeast smothered in pesto. Yum!

I'm feeling really good and happy to have refrained from cooked today :)

Onwards and upwards!

12 steps

Last night I read Natalia Rose's 12 steps to RAW. It was quite interesting talked about cooked food being an addiction and even someone that's on a 99% raw diet still slips because they allow that 1% cooked in. I guess the decision needs to be whether you're prepared to say goodbye to cooked food forever. Whether I'm prepared that is.

I know raw is a truth for me. I know cooked makes me feel crap. There are a multitude of reasons why I want to do this. What is it holding me back? It must be an addiction. Did I feel this way when I gave up cigarettes? I can't remember.

Anyway, the upshot is that I know I'm making excuses. I know I can see Gary today at Mono and just have a drink instead of food. I know I can cancel the vegan restaurant when I'm away with work. I know I can go to the vegan meet up and just have tea instead of food. I KNOW I can do all those things.

The book talked about asking for support from your loved ones. I must ask for support from Rod. When I'm with him I normally slip back to cooked. It's not his fault it's mine. I want to be raw god damn it and I want over this addiction. Natalia claims the first two months 100% raw are the hardest, after that it's much easier. So that would mean at the end of August this should be much easier. I've done this before I know I can do it again.

Just going for a walk then going to make my green juice when I get back!

urgh

hmm. Last night went to the cinema. Had a beautiful time, Star Trek was actually really good! Anyway, ended up having popcorn. Am wondering now whether my body was craving salt to balance out all the sugar I ate yesterday. Felt a bit pish afterwards but not beating myself up for it.

Had a really lovely day today. Slept until late and took a trip to Lucy's to pick up my raw pesto. She made a really lovely lunch of salad with new potatoes (cooked) mushed up with pesto. It was really nice albeit cooked. We chatted for ages, it was really nice to catch up.

Ended up going home via grassroots and spent £30. Got some nice bee pollen and raw olives but also picked up some hummus and pitta and falafels :( What's going on? Why am I continuing to buy cooked food? Just going with it just now.

Lucy lent me 12 steps to raw so I'm going to have a read of that over the weekend and see if it clicks anything in to place. Going to mono with Gary tomorrow which will end up cooked (they don't really do salads) plus I'm going to the vegan meetup next Friday and the Vegan restaurant on Tuesday so fuck it looks like another week of cooked food. I'd like to get some green juices in - they're meant to help with cravings.

Goal for tomorrow - green juice!

hmm sugar overdose

Just back from my trip away with work. Quite impressed with myself. All the way in the airport, taxi and when I got to the hotel the thoughts of going for some cooked food flooded my brain and I had to fight pretty hard. It was funny listening to the angel and devil argue the pros and cons. In the end I opted for my huge salad which was quite nice although my dressing wasn't as good as I'd hoped.

This morning I felt better with the brick in my stomach subsiding. I ate 4 peaches until lunchtime then went and bought a packet of medjool dates. They were really lovely but I ended up having 8 of them and about an hour later at the airport I needed to sit down as my whole body was shaking. Not the best idea all that sugar!

Had an apple at the airport as I felt quite hungry but it was a mangey battered one and not organic. Kept me going till dinner time tonight though. I made a hemp milk and added raspberries, bananas, suma, lucuma, purple corn and maca. It was quite nice. I'm trying out the superfoods again to see if there's any difference. I felt like something was missing after it though. To be honest I was craving a big avo salad but without my raw pesto there isn't a dressing I really want. Plus we're going out to the cinema in a bit so I needed something fast. I whizzed some bananas with agave and cacao powder but it wasn't very good and it'll probably keep me wired for a while.

Picking up the pesto tomorrow. Can't wait to have a HUGE yummy salad. How sad is that? I really ought to get a life...

so it begins

It's 4.02pm and I'm just about to head to the airport so thought I'd better update on my progress so far. Well it has only been about 17 hours since I wrote my first blog.

Woke up this morning and felt quite positive. As I'm away with work tonight visions of cooked food flooded my brain most of the day. Whenever I'm away I relapse usually ordering whatever vegan fayre is on the crappy room service menu. Normally accompanied by a bowl of chips. Not tonight though (I say this every tim).

I've packed myself a big salad with sprouts yum and made some weirdy dressing to go with it out of tomatoes, pepper, chilli, paprika, garlic, acv, hemp oil, he sho wu, kelp and salt.

Earlier I had a yummy pudding of whizzed banana, blueberries, purple corn, suma, maca, camu camu and dates. For breakkie I had a peach - yum! Not had a peach in ages.

Now I'm supping some lovely yogi chai - not raw but sod it I'm doing well with the food let's not deny ourselves a cup of bloody tea!

I've taken a punnet of peaches for work tomorrow, that ought to do me until I get home tomorrow night. My stomach still feels like it has a brick in it from yesterday :(

Looking forward to the weekend.

in the beginning...

...there was raw. Well, not for me but for the human civilisation. For me there was a wide array of different food ranging from junk to what I then deemed 'healthy'. Then I discovered raw back in September 07. What an alien concept it seemed back then but one that got me hooked instantly. Over night I went 'raw' preaching to anyone that would listen (and those that wouldn't) that this was the truth, that this would set you free from all illness and unhappiness. And I believe, to an extent, that it is still true. What I hadn't anticipated at that time was how much harder it was than I first anticipated.

I did really well in the beginning. I almost found it a breeze. Reading forums of people 'struggling' to keep raw made me wonder what their problem was. This was the most exciting and easy thing ever.

Hmm. What followed was months of ups and downs and cooked binges eating the most terrible foods, to-ing and fro-ing with 100% raw and 100% crap. I felt awful. Over the months I learned to relax with myself and here I am, 20 months in and I'm still not 'there'. It has been an upward direction. I'm eating foods now that blow my mind when I think of what I used to eat. I laugh sometimes that it's ME that's sittting eating an enormous green salad with greens I can't name or green drinks or smoothies or sprouted seeds. Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself as that kind of person. Yet here I am. A sparkley version of the old me but still not where I want to be.

I'm fed up being fed up with myself or should I say my eating habits - should really learn to not associate those two. In fact there's a glimpse of raw food becoming part of one's identity - a real danger sign! More importantly, I'm fed up feeling crap from eating cooked food. I'm fed up over-eating on cooked, something I literally can't do on raw. I'm fed up making excuses for myself and succumbing to this cooked addiction. I know what it's like to feel amazing and I want to get it back. Or rather, I want to get it future. Stop living in the past woman!

I realise this is a battle between psychological and physical wellness. Both these aspects are angel and devil at opposing times. Sometimes my physical body will crave foods and lull me in to thinking this is for some biological need. My psychological body will resent this. Other times my psychology convinces me I need a food for either reward/comfort and my physical body will pay the price.

Whatever the psychoanalysis this ought to be simple. I can make it simple. I can make it as simple or as difficult as I like. I can give myself days in the future when I'll 'start'. I'll tell myself I can't go fully raw yet as I'm meeting this person or that person for dinner or that I'm travelling away. The truth is I can do this no matter what my social calendar or work committments. I can do this no matter that my partner isn't raw. I can do this no matter that it's difficult at times and I may falter. I know I can do this and I want to do it. I want to feel the amazing high of life. I want to feel my digestion working properly and making me feel vibrant and alive. I want all the good things I know go with a raw diet.

I realise I've been here before. I think it may work better if I take this literally one day at a time. Today I have eaten a lot of food. A lot of cooked vegan food. I don't feel well at all and my mind is a fog.

My goals for tomorrow are to

1) Only eat when truly hungry
2) Only eat raw

How hard can it be?