...there was raw. Well, not for me but for the human civilisation. For me there was a wide array of different food ranging from junk to what I then deemed 'healthy'. Then I discovered raw back in September 07. What an alien concept it seemed back then but one that got me hooked instantly. Over night I went 'raw' preaching to anyone that would listen (and those that wouldn't) that this was the truth, that this would set you free from all illness and unhappiness. And I believe, to an extent, that it is still true. What I hadn't anticipated at that time was how much harder it was than I first anticipated.
I did really well in the beginning. I almost found it a breeze. Reading forums of people 'struggling' to keep raw made me wonder what their problem was. This was the most exciting and easy thing ever.
Hmm. What followed was months of ups and downs and cooked binges eating the most terrible foods, to-ing and fro-ing with 100% raw and 100% crap. I felt awful. Over the months I learned to relax with myself and here I am, 20 months in and I'm still not 'there'. It has been an upward direction. I'm eating foods now that blow my mind when I think of what I used to eat. I laugh sometimes that it's ME that's sittting eating an enormous green salad with greens I can't name or green drinks or smoothies or sprouted seeds. Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself as that kind of person. Yet here I am. A sparkley version of the old me but still not where I want to be.
I'm fed up being fed up with myself or should I say my eating habits - should really learn to not associate those two. In fact there's a glimpse of raw food becoming part of one's identity - a real danger sign! More importantly, I'm fed up feeling crap from eating cooked food. I'm fed up over-eating on cooked, something I literally can't do on raw. I'm fed up making excuses for myself and succumbing to this cooked addiction. I know what it's like to feel amazing and I want to get it back. Or rather, I want to get it future. Stop living in the past woman!
I realise this is a battle between psychological and physical wellness. Both these aspects are angel and devil at opposing times. Sometimes my physical body will crave foods and lull me in to thinking this is for some biological need. My psychological body will resent this. Other times my psychology convinces me I need a food for either reward/comfort and my physical body will pay the price.
Whatever the psychoanalysis this ought to be simple. I can make it simple. I can make it as simple or as difficult as I like. I can give myself days in the future when I'll 'start'. I'll tell myself I can't go fully raw yet as I'm meeting this person or that person for dinner or that I'm travelling away. The truth is I can do this no matter what my social calendar or work committments. I can do this no matter that my partner isn't raw. I can do this no matter that it's difficult at times and I may falter. I know I can do this and I want to do it. I want to feel the amazing high of life. I want to feel my digestion working properly and making me feel vibrant and alive. I want all the good things I know go with a raw diet.
I realise I've been here before. I think it may work better if I take this literally one day at a time. Today I have eaten a lot of food. A lot of cooked vegan food. I don't feel well at all and my mind is a fog.
My goals for tomorrow are to
1) Only eat when truly hungry
2) Only eat raw
How hard can it be?
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